I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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