I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
