the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
