Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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