We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
