I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
