oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
