Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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