so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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