Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
