Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize