I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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