I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
