My balls are so social today.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
