he wants to bone in the snuggie
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
