I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
