You're so nebulous sometimes
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
