pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
