he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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