STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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