He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
