I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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