He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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