i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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