I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
