Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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