I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
