Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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