I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
