Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
