I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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