You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize