I could make wine with my vomit
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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