Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
