We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
