He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
