Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
