Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
