Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
