how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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