I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
