Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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