if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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