I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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