How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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