my phone needs a breathalizer
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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