Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
