Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize