The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
