I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
