I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
try to milk me bitch
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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