I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
