I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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