It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
