my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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