dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
