quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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