dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
