my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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