just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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