Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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