I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
