I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
