my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
