Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
