My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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