Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
