OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do vagina's smell?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
