Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
