I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
