ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
try to milk me bitch
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