2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
