I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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