I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just cropdusted the office
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
