How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
