i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
