Your tits are I can't wait for
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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