Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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