I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
