I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
