I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
