Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
