omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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