You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
