But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
